Scared

Scared. That's all I was. For the longest time I remember.

I'm all about you.

Nothing can keep me from being with you.

Not even your absence.

I find you in everything I do,

And everywhere I go.

For you mean the world to me.

I have to.

I have to go much deeper and deeper.
The rocky ship was so much a sanctuary.
But this dive I must take.
Not for finding me or meaning.
But to be with the unfathomable life.

ചുംബനം

ഓരോ ചുംബനവും വെറും ചുംബനം മാത്രം അല്ല. ഓരോന്നും വ്യത്യസ്തമാണ്. ഓരോ ചുംബനത്തെയും വ്യത്യസ്തമാകുന്നത് അതിനെ നാം എങ്ങനെ നൽകിയെന്നും എങ്ങനെ സ്വീകരിച്ചുവെന്നതും അനുസരിച്ചാണ്. നല്ല ചുംബനം മോശം ചുംബനം എന്നിങ്ങനെ രണ്ടു തരത്തിലുള്ള ചുംബനങ്ങൾ ഇല്ല. നല്ലതും ചീത്തയും എന്നത് നമ്മൾ നൽകിയ വിവേചനങ്ങൾ മാത്രം ആണ്.

നിനക്കു ഞാൻ നൽകിയ ഓരോ ചുംബനത്തിലൂടെയും ഞാൻ പങ്കുവെച്ചത് എന്റെ പ്രതീക്ഷകളും സ്വപ്നങ്ങളുമാണ്. ഓരോ തവണയും നിന്നെ ചുംബിക്കുമ്പോൾ ഞാൻ സ്പർശിച്ചത് നിന്റെ  ശരീരത്തിനെ അല്ല. ആത്മാവിനെയാണ്. ആ ഓരോ ചുംബനത്തിലും എനിക്ക് നിന്നിലുള്ള വിശ്വാസമുണ്ട്. ആ ഓരോ ചുംബനത്തിലും എനിക്ക് നിന്നോടുള്ള കരുതൽ ഉണ്ട്. ഓരോ ചുംബനത്തിലും എനിക്ക് നിന്നോടുള്ള ആഴമായ സ്നേഹമുണ്ട്.

ചുംബനം വെറും മാംസനിബിഡമല്ല.  അതിന്റെ മാഹാത്മ്യം തിരിച്ചറിയാൻ സാധിക്കാത്തവർക് അതിനെ അങ്ങനെ കാണാനേ കഴിയുകയുള്ളു. ഒരു അർത്ഥമേ അവർക്ക് അതിൽ കാണാൻ  സാധിക്കുകയുള്ളു. രണ്ടു സുഹൃത്തുക്കൾ പരസപരം ചുംബിക്കുമ്പോൾ നെറ്റിചുളിയുന്ന ഈ നാട്ടിൽ ഏറ്റവും നൈര്മല്യത്തോടെ ഏറ്റവും വിശുദ്ധിയോടെ ചോദ്യം ചെയ്യലുകളില്ലാതെ തെറ്റിദ്ധാരണകൾ ഇല്ലാതെ നിന്നെ ചുംബിക്കാൻ എന്നാണ് എനിക്ക് സാധിക്കുന്നത്?

ഏറ്റവും നല്ല ചുംബന ഇനിയും നല്കാൻ ഇരികുന്നതേയുള്ളു. ഏറ്റവും നല്ല ചുംബനം ഇനിയും ലഭിക്കാൻ ഇരികുന്നതേയുള്ളു. 

The Rainbow of Misunderstanding

One of the hardest burdens to bear is being misunderstood by people we love. All of us at one point or another experience looking into the eyes of our friend and realizing that he or she simply does not see us the way we see ourselves, and probably never will.

We know ourselves, how our mind operates, our intentions, and nobody should have to explain that to another person especially friends. Friends should know one another to a point where they should never have to question the other. They could ask out of concern which is care and that is very much highlighted in my opinion. But after that question has been answered, it should no longer become a concern.

And so it is. We'd have to let it go and know that we'd done the best we could to be true to our values. Whether those who misunderstand you are strangers or family members, you have to choose what will drive your behavior: your own conscience or your fear of what others might think of you. Choose your conscience. It lives inside of you and goes everywhere you go. Tolerating the fact that others believe you are possessive/dishonest/unkind/stingy/rude (fill in the blank) is not easy. It takes a great deal of self-control not to retrace your steps and try to constantly explain yourself so that people might see you the way you see yourself. And it’s not practical.

When you feel that you have a problem with a friend or friendship, why do you not simply sit down and work it out? Why do you prefer to let the friendship die instead of trying to repair it? How can you just turn your back on to that friend? It seems to me that some people only remain friends as long as everything is perfect. As soon as a problem arises, they cut and run. Why are they such cowards? A single moment of misunderstanding is so poisonous that it makes us forget the thousands of beautiful moments spent together within a minute.

Perhaps, it’s something one friend said or did that hurt the other person or something they didn’t say or do when they should have. All we’ve to do is to talk. We need to talk to that particular one person whom we misinterpreted, instead of someone else. No one else can give lucidity other than that person.

In closing, I would like to say that cherish your friends for you never know when they will be gone.  Accept your friends for they are your friends for a reason.  Never neglect them, their thoughts, or feelings for they will know you are not the one to come to.  

Her little pearl.

Whenever she broke into an echo of his laughter,

She let her fingers linger on his skin soon after.

And then when he spoke to her in whispers that tickled her bone,

She found a different way to describe how her little pearl had grown.

Women

Women? Well, how do I put this? Women and nature are allies. If you want to understand us, just watch how flowers bloom in spring, how fruit trees bear pears, how winds brush against your sadness, how all of it melts into a deepening well of joy and how colors of the sky wrap your every memory ever. It is a void you must walk into and experience with every nerve ending of your body.

It is to watch a tiger kill, a butterfly wither, a bird sing, a lake freeze. It is to watch the forest come to life in reds and oranges and then to watch it all disappear and die. It is to go into a desert naked with no map. To know wilderness in ecstatic motion. It is to embody the spirit of the wild, to look a lion in the eye, breathe and befriend it. It is to plant a fire in all your senses, burn and surrender to pleasure. It is something you must taste, something you must wrap your tongue around and feed off in order to survive.

It is to nourish yourself, to give your soul the fundamental element it needs in order to exist. It is to accept us as the nectar flowing from the dark and wet birth canal of creation, here to impregnate you with lively passion.

To go into the night barefoot with a tall glass of clouds and write a poem about your love beneath the moon in full orgasm.

I hope.

I hope you're sleeping. Tight. I hope the pain leaves you alone. I hope you never stop loving yourself. Even if everyone in the world does. Cuz come what may, and regardless of what you want, YOU should be all you NEED.

I am just your love icicle. It was only cold that you felt. The warmer I get, I melt.

So it's either me or reality.
Life or validity. Love or certainty. Laugh on a rainbow or sulk guilty.

Whore

A hurricane is getting ready to come on. 
But in here to the candles we're drawn.
Near-kisses cozier than the quilt.
When the love is right you cannot find guilt.
Black stars shining on my heart.
His trembling heartbeat falls apart.
If this is true I will never be sure.
Is it even possible, love so pure? And then before I could sink in this strawberry tart
He smiled at me after saying the worst part.
My selfless love didn't matter anymore.
Among the tags society gave, now was whore.

Why do we lie?

‘Why do we lie?’ Have you ever found yourself asking this question before? None of us like someone who lies, but still everyone does that. We all lie, all the time. It causes problems, to say the least. So why do we do it? Is it because we want to hide the truth from others? Why we worry about what other people think? What's right for us maybe completely wrong for others. Is it because of that we lie so that we don't have to convince them? Well, it’s quite difficult to find a responsible answer for this particular question.

There are lots of reasons that could motivate us to tell lies. Even though each reason might be different than the other still all of them stem from one root cause which is being unable to bear the consequences of telling the truth. We always want to manage, enhance, protect and feel good about our perceived image/identities.

Do we lie to ourselves on purpose? No we don’t. We just lie to ourselves on intention in the beginning and we keep repeating the lie to everyone until we eventually believe it! The subconscious mind can be programmed by repetition, that’s why we end up believing our lies after repeating the story over and over.

And relationships are something on which life is built for anyone. Think of a life without relationship - with people, ideas, etc, how different it would be? And relationships are always in a flux. That creates problems for mind. And mind will do anything to be in control of these relationships. Lying is part of that process. For a mind that is alone, there is only silence.

A Connection to Ourselves

Every spiritual path can only be enhanced and our connection to ourselves and our world liberated by being in nature. When we journey into the wilderness, we connect with our inner wilderness and discover our true nature, who we are when we strip away all facades that we wear to please others, be accepted or protect our tender souls. Staying in nature reconnects us with our true, authentic self, allowing us to live with more integrity and sincerity towards others. 

A love story that never began.

And right before the cliff jump, he ran back away. I gracefully looked down from the edge, shrugged at the impeccably fascinating height that we could've jumped holding hands if he let me talk and walked away with tears in my eyes. It's a love story that never began.

Love but me forever.

And she said in her softest, husky sleeping voice but with all the power in the world,

"To see me is to love me,
And love but me forever.
For nature made me what I am,
And never made another."

He fell apart in a rush of heart and wished it was a dream.
But morning came, she was no more and he could only scream.

Maybe he would’ve stayed.

She pulled open the door and froze when she saw who it was. He walked in locking eyes with her on the way to his desk. “No talking, get to work”, she told herself.

She sat down and took out her notepad and pen from her bag. She looked around tiredly to see him walking towards her. She stared into his eyes never leaving eye contact. Was he clueless enough to know that I’m still in love with him and I need him so badly? He sat near her desk and started talking over the phone. In between he exchanged glances with her. She felt her heart rate speed up and major butterflies started flying in her stomach.

“Do you have a pen?” he asked.  “Sure”, she smiled before looking in her bag for another one.

“Calm the hell down. He just wants a pen”, she said herself.

“Thanks”, he said.

And she saw him blush. Rubbing her eyes, she looked him again. “Oh my goodness, he’s blushing”, she thought. And she started to blush herself realizing that he’s not going to move.

She continued her work when she felt two hands cover her shoulders.

“Guess what?” he whispered in her ears. His lips accidentally brushed her ear and it started to tingle.

“What” she whispered back, not trying to copy him but because she felt she’s going to faint.

“I love…” her heart was practically jumping in her chest. “Is he going to tell that he loves me?” she wondered.

“Someone else”, he ended his sentence.

He uncovered her eyes and started laughing like a maniac at her speechless face. And then walked away.

He didn’t notice the look on her face when he walked away...He didn’t see the pain and tears rolling down her face.

“If only he had seen it, maybe he would’ve stayed”, she thought.

Make me all yours.

The night is barren like a black dagger,

And I’m in a frenzy situation coz of you.

Tell me what I should do,

For you’re my only intoxication.

Make me drink the drug of love,

Touch your body with mine

And color me in your color.

Cast a spell over me

And make me all yours.